...

I'm still pissed off. Right now I'm in an exquisite state of angst and rage, and here it is, 11:46 at night. I've spent the last four hours and 45 minutes trying to calm myself down, listening to music, writing, surfing the web, watching TV.

I am out of cigarettes.

I do not believe in fate. I do not believe in luck, I do not believe that anything guides my life except my own choices, be they good or bad. Perhaps the choices I am making now are bad, but I have to make them, and I will stand by them. I have to stand for something, and if I'm wrong or an asshole for it, then so be it... but at least I have made my stand.

Fuck it. I can't even make sense of myself right now. I'm going to shut down this laptop and go for a drive. Maybe I'll get an hour or two of sleep before I go to work tomorrow morning.