Lazy Thursday...

Today was mostly spent in the date center at work, hiding from the boss and the coworkers under the pretense of reloading some software on our network management station. True enough, I was in fact reloading the software onto NOC... but that wasn't really what I was doing. I spent most of the time I was down there hiding in the back, toying with my laptop, just trying to determine what I was still doing at that company and in that position. I'm not sure what answer, if any, was reached. I may not know for some time. When it comes to job decisions I am not terribly good at making quick or decisive choices. Most of the time I've been pretty lucky (not good, but lucky) at making the "right" choice for a given situation, but in this scenario I really am left wondering what the hell I'm doing and why. Work angst? Most certainly... it is, after all, how I make my living and pay for my necessities as well as my little eccentricities (1040k DSL line, art, etc). Not only that, but there's the fact that I tend to personalize my job a great deal. I do so, I think, because I'm not a perfectionist but because it's very important to me and I take great pride in what I do (Kette, any ideas/comments?). I like knowing I did a job right, I like knowing that I had a part in helping improve something or build something that other people will use or depend upon to do their jobs. That's very important to me, and I put a lot of stock in the things that go on at work, the things that are done and the things that are said. Yes, it's bad to do so, yes, it's bad to personalize your job. But I counter with this: how can you do a good job if you don't feel it reflects upon you as a person in some way?

Work angst aside, I have.... approximately fifteen hours until I depart for Milwaukee. Once there I will drop off Ra, his carrier, his medications, his brush and his food so that Jen can keep an eye on him. Why she graciously volunteered this service is really beyond me, and it leaves me a little worried. I'm not concerned about her ability to care for him as I am about the stress he'll be placed under. He will be boarding at a strange house, occupied by two strange cats and a strange dog, after an hour and a half car trip... none of this can add up to Good Things. I'm worried that the stress might undo the good that has been done the last four or so days. He's only thrown up once since Monday morning, and I think that was because I wasn't able to get the proper dosage of Metoclopramide down his throat. I'd say that drug is probably what's doing the most good for him -- that also makes it inherently the one that is the hardest to give to him, and that he hates the most as well. Two, two, TWO frustrations in one! How efficient.

I've been a bad, bad man and haven't accomplished anything tonight. I have yet to pack clothes, presents or any of the other necessities for the trip. Heck, I haven't even WRAPPED the presents for my parents yet. I have nothing for my father, because he's impossible to shop for. I have nothing for my grandfather, because I don't know what to get him, ever.

I'm a lousy son, I'm a lousy grandson. I procrastinate too much, and I'm not in touch with any of the things that are going on in my family anymore. I've isolated myself almost entirely from them, for better or worse.

The bad part is I seem to like it that way. I'm living my own life. I answer to myself. I have my own circle of friends, I have my own agendas, I have myself to thank for the good and the bad things that happen to me. Accountability, I guess you could call it.

Well, I better pack something tonight. I have a 450+ mile drive to make tomorrow. I'm glad to see that gasoline has come down in price over the last few weeks -- currently it's about $1.05 for the 87 octane gas at my local Mobil station. I haven't seen prices like that since the Gulf War.

I'm an Aerostar, I'm a Cutlass Supreme

Rant mode ON...

Okay, I am not the world's most perfect person. I tend to be a little sloppy from time to time at home. But I've really reached the limit of my patience with my two roommates.

I ask four very simple things:

1) Pull the shower curtain closed when you're done taking a shower. This allows the curtain to dry faster, thus avoiding the growth of evil spores into mildew and mold.

2) Do not leave wood kitchen utensils soaking in water in the sink. It ruins the wood and encourages bacteria to take up residence.

3) If the garbage is full, take the bag out of the can, tie it off, throw it out, put a new bag in there. Do not stack things on top of the can's lid, do not leave a bag of garbage sitting around... take the three minutes to go throw the motherfucker out.

4) If you want to take your socks off, throw them in your bedroom. Do not leave them in heaps on the floor in the kitchen, living room or dining room.

I ask those four simple things. FOUR. That's it.

Why is it nobody here can manage it? Did I give the requests in some strange language? Do my nagging reminders come out as some sort of gibberish nonsense that only a Babel Fish could translate into understandable English?

Item number two pisses me off no end because I am the owner of a vast majority of the kitchen utensils and dish ware in this apartment. When one of these utensils gets destroyed it's costing ME money to replace it. If you can't respect it I will reject your privilege of using it. I'm dead serious when I say that if it comes down to it I will begin hoarding silverware in my bedroom where nobody can find it. Fuck you, eat with a KFC spork. You had your chance.

Item three pisses me off because it's just totally stupid and a sign of how sloppy and lazy my roommates, one in particular, can be. He spends all day at home because he's currently unemployed. I do not begrudge him this fact, because it wasn't his choice to become so and he has done his part to continue searching for a new job. But I do not believe that it gives him free license to loaf around here all day and not pull his weight when it comes to chores. In a fit of anger yesterday morning I pushed the pile of shit off the top of the garbage can, stuffed it in the bag, pulled the bag out of the can, tied it off and dropped it right next to Chris. Then I went and medicated Ra, and went out the door with satchel in hand. I came home that night to find Chris still playing EverQuest. He was playing it at 7:45 in the morning, and was playing it at 6:10 at night when I got home. That's nearly TWELVE STRAIGHT HOURS. Does he stop to take a piss, or to get food? I don't know, and in some ways I don't want to know. Any ways, I came back last night to find that bag still there.

Still there. Sitting right next to a man that has nothing else to do in his day but sit and play EverQuest. But he couldn't be bothered to take the three minutes to go throw it out. How fucking white-trash, slovenly, and pathetic is that, I ask you. I left for work this morning, the bag was still there. I got home at 5:45 tonight, the bag was STILL THERE. It sat next to him for TWO DAYS and he didn't do a thing about it. So as he's packing up to leave for Omaha tonight he kneels down right next to the garbage bag and suddenly has a very animated response. It seems something that stank quite badly was in that bag, and leaking out through a hole into the carpet -- and he put his knee into it. Suddenly the garbage bag is taken out and disposed of! Then he has the nerve to BITCH ABOUT IT.

Um, sorry, but I'm not going to get excited and go looking for the baking soda to eliminate the smell, nor the Resolve Carpet Cleaner just because you put your knee in the puddle of unidentified goo. I work for a living, I'm out of this apartment more than I'm in it. You're not. I did all the work for you by taking the bag out, filling it, tying it off... all I asked was that you get off your lazy fucking EQ-playing ass and take the bag out to the dumpster. ONE THING that I asked you to do, and you couldn't do it. So pardon me if I don't get particularly upset about it.

As I said before, I am not the world's most cleanly person. But I do have some basic standards of sanitation, and they're rapidly being encroached upon and even surpassed by his behavior. I've cut him a lot of slack because I know it's hypocritical of me to get excited over things like this when I myself have issues I definitely need to work on improving upon. However, my boiling point on this particular topic has been reached and surpassed. It's a simple thing, and it's essential to a healthy household. Besides, if a five year old can figure out that when the trash can is full it should be emptied and the bag disposed of I would expect a goddamn 25 year old to be a MASTER of the concept.

Yeah, I could have just as easily taken the bag out myself, and saved myself the stain on the carpet, the smell and the frustration of coming home two days in a row to find that bag still undisposed off. That's not the point. The point here is this guy is almost two years older than me, yet he evidences absolutely no more personal responsibility than your average reluctant, sulky teenager. It's time that Chris grows up and starts pulling his weight and showing a little initiative. I'm tired of nagging him, I'm tired of asking him to do things. I've had to get downright verbally and nearly physically abusive some times to get him to do the things he knows full goddamn well he should do, and if it comes down to that I'm fully prepared to start doing it again. Somebody needs to knock some sense into him or when he finally gets out of his EverQuest addiction and back into the real world he's going to be in for one fucking hell of a rude awakening. I know for a fact that my other roommate, Lana (who is his girlfriend) positively hates sloppiness on that magnitude -- she finds it revolting, unhealthy and a lot of other adjectives I won't go into here. He may very well be setting himself up for a serious problem in his relationship if he doesn't get his act straightened out post haste.