Dear Lazyweb: Help me be a smartass

Dear Lazyweb,

It is under great duress that I am editing my profile in the "$EMPLOYER Commons," which is essentially an internal Facebook site full of rah-rah-rah propaganda. One of the things I'm being told I need to do is supply a "tagline" that suits me.

I need something that will pass the HR/Corporate/Management "sniff test" but still convey a level of snarkiness to those who know me. I'm sure linnaeus would have a good suggestion, but I want all of you to feel free to chip in too.