Irony, thy name is $EMPLOYER.

[feren]

From a meeting "request" I got in e-mail about five minutes ago....

You are invited to attend Super Service training! Please note that these sessions are mandatory. Let your manager know that you will be attending class this day.

"Mandatory." I don't know about you, but to me that sort of defeats the concept of this being an "invitation," now doesn't it? Maybe people who hold hostages in bank robberies are just severely misunderstood -- they were inviting the bank teller to a mandatory opening of the bank's vault. Invited at gunpoint, but an invite none the less.

Or, as Hank would say, "Your choice... is fish."

I love how communications and memos inside this workplace continue to string words together that are never found in the wild associating with one another of their own free will.

Comments

[wolfbrotherjoe.livejournal.com]

Be drinkable, my friend. Just because their shit is all over the place doesn't mean you need to let it get to you. :)

[duncandahusky.livejournal.com]

I have no doubt that at some point in the not too distant future, the Penis on the Prairie will collapse in on itself in a kind of irony singularity. "To better serve the customers", of course.

[stryck.livejournal.com]

You could be in the military and suffer from "mandatory fun days".

Then again, at least the mandatory fun is usually somewhat fun, while 'training' rarely is.

If you haven't gone and listened to some of Jonathan Coulton (http://www.jonathancoulton.com/)'s stuff yet, you should. Specifically, Re: Your Brains (http://youtube.com/watch?v=BjMiDZIY1bM) and Code Monkey (http://youtube.com/watch?v=v4Wy7gRGgeA&mode=related&search=). (Warning: You Tube videos)

[anher.livejournal.com]

Cake or death?

[kinkyturtle.livejournal.com]

For your convenience, all the restrooms on this floor are closed for maintenance.

[gypsypet.livejournal.com]

In our building, all of the signs to the elevator, stairs, and the restroom that used to have the "real" braille signs were taken down during re-painting. They were replaced with... xeroxed... copies of the signs, complete with little ink blots where the bumps used to be.

[ya-wot-aver.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! You have just volunteered for....

[nekosensei.livejournal.com]

That reminds me of something I say to my students when they're too busy talking, and not paying attention in class. "Gracias por voluntarte. ¿Qué es la respuesta para número 5?" Or, in plain English, "Thank you for volunteering! What is the answer for number 5?"

[(Anonymous)]

Heh...

Somehow, the infamous employee survey that came back, "We need more training" magically morphed into "We need more customer service training" and Stupor Service was born...

Did you know that you have three brains?

Bald Foto-mat Guy am INSANE!

[nullmuse.livejournal.com]

Man, everytime I see you just keep chalking up the cool-points. How could I have known you'd be a fan of Hank, too?

I really do wish everyone talked like Igor--that would be cool.

"Your choice is fish" is one I say quite often, too. It covers so much of my working-life.

And my mandatory invitation is Friday....they said something to the effect of "It would help improve my communication skills and encourage me to put down the Blackberry and cellphone and have moments of human interaction."

Ironically, most of the trouble I get into is because I have NO TROUBLE AT ALL communicating clearly; I just happened to be born without "tact". :D

Wishing you much energy, luck, wealth, and power....Igor from the Ukraine.