Thoughts at work....
Jul. 23rd, 2001 01:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ferenWell, I didn't post Sunday. I was a bad, lazy person and mostly just bummed around the apartment, hacking on the computer now and then, IRCing with the folks on #watertower, or taking extended naps. Productivity was definitely not foremost on my mind yesterday.
I'm currently idle at work, waiting for some time to pass so I can go to lunch. I desperately need to get some food and caffeine in me so I can prep myself for the massive amount of meetings I'll be having this afternoon. I know already that I won't be able to just sleep with my eyes open through these -- we're discussing far too much stuff in far too little a time, and the decisions we make in these meetings could make or break my network (and my sanity in 18 months). But, for the moment, I have some down time so I thought I'd take a moment to put an entry in. Which brings me to the thought I've been mulling for a little while now: Are friends any less real if they're "Internet friends?"
There's been a lot of talk the last few years about addictions to the Internet making people less social, geeks struggling to fit in while out in the "real world," all sorts of negative press about what the Internet can do to stunt your growth as a productive human being in society.
I'll admit it, I'm a geek. Always have been, and always will be. I fell in love with computers on that fateful day when my father brought home the Apple ][e. It unlocked a lot of potential for me and is, I'm convinced, the reason I'm in the job I am making the money I am (for all I complain about the salary I'm at, I have to admit that I'm making a pretty good amount of cash per year for somebody without a college degree and who is only 22 years old). I spent a lot of time in my youth on that computer, as well as on the machines that successively replaced it. I used to spend hours every day after school dialing up to the BBSs in the area (before the Internet killed them all), I ran a BBS, I knew a lot of folks online that I never had the chance to meet in person. Sometimes a BBS I was on would have a get-together (or "GT" for short) and I'd be able to attend, catching a ride with somebody before I was old enough to drive, or scheduling time off from work to attend when I finally was had my driver's license. I got to meet the faces behind the names, and I almost always had a good time. I made a lot of friends online, some of them are people I still know (Like Melissa, the Cthulhu Coffee mistress). But conversely I had very few friends in junior high or high school. I don't know if my social skills for real life were stunted or if it was just a matter of me not being that interested in associating with my "peers"... I couldn't stand most of them. When I moved to Illinois and started college, much the same thing happened. By this time I was on the Internet, and had been spending time on the IRC and on various online games like FurryMUCK. I'd replaced a lot of my friends from the BBS world with friends from the Internet world. And while I was lonely sometimes (I didn't go out with my roommates in college much, one I wasn't into drinking at the time, and two I wasn't OLD enough to drink and it sucked being carded) I mostly didn't mind. In fact, during those two or so years that I attended school and spent all my spare time online, I made some great friends whom I eventually got to meet face to face (Namely Aureth, Roho and Jen, amongst others. About a month ago I found myself on the IRC networks again, most notably hanging out in #watertower where I met Kette, Captain, Masem and other folks. I've mentioned before I've gotten a chance to go hang out with Masem and Cap a time or two, so I consider them friends, and I honestly consider most of the other folks on the channel friends as well, even though I've not had a chance to meet them.
But back to my point -- are the friends I make online any less "real" than the friends I make in person (e.g. those at work)? I care about my friends online. I feel bad when bad things happen to them, I joke with them, they provide me interesting conversation and challenge my beliefs, at times forcing me to expand my horizons. They give me a hand now and then when I have problems they have experience solving. They ask after me. They're exactly like friends I make out in the "real world," except I don't regularly (or ever) see them face to face. So why do people look down on these folks? They don't entirely replace social contact in person, but they can certainly augment it. In certain cases they've lead to close friendships in the "real world" as I've mentioned above. I don't differentiate, so long as you meet the requirements to be a friend, you're a friend to me, regardless if you live a block away from me or half a world away.
I for one value them a great deal, and wouldn't give them up for the world.
I'm currently idle at work, waiting for some time to pass so I can go to lunch. I desperately need to get some food and caffeine in me so I can prep myself for the massive amount of meetings I'll be having this afternoon. I know already that I won't be able to just sleep with my eyes open through these -- we're discussing far too much stuff in far too little a time, and the decisions we make in these meetings could make or break my network (and my sanity in 18 months). But, for the moment, I have some down time so I thought I'd take a moment to put an entry in. Which brings me to the thought I've been mulling for a little while now: Are friends any less real if they're "Internet friends?"
There's been a lot of talk the last few years about addictions to the Internet making people less social, geeks struggling to fit in while out in the "real world," all sorts of negative press about what the Internet can do to stunt your growth as a productive human being in society.
I'll admit it, I'm a geek. Always have been, and always will be. I fell in love with computers on that fateful day when my father brought home the Apple ][e. It unlocked a lot of potential for me and is, I'm convinced, the reason I'm in the job I am making the money I am (for all I complain about the salary I'm at, I have to admit that I'm making a pretty good amount of cash per year for somebody without a college degree and who is only 22 years old). I spent a lot of time in my youth on that computer, as well as on the machines that successively replaced it. I used to spend hours every day after school dialing up to the BBSs in the area (before the Internet killed them all), I ran a BBS, I knew a lot of folks online that I never had the chance to meet in person. Sometimes a BBS I was on would have a get-together (or "GT" for short) and I'd be able to attend, catching a ride with somebody before I was old enough to drive, or scheduling time off from work to attend when I finally was had my driver's license. I got to meet the faces behind the names, and I almost always had a good time. I made a lot of friends online, some of them are people I still know (Like Melissa, the Cthulhu Coffee mistress). But conversely I had very few friends in junior high or high school. I don't know if my social skills for real life were stunted or if it was just a matter of me not being that interested in associating with my "peers"... I couldn't stand most of them. When I moved to Illinois and started college, much the same thing happened. By this time I was on the Internet, and had been spending time on the IRC and on various online games like FurryMUCK. I'd replaced a lot of my friends from the BBS world with friends from the Internet world. And while I was lonely sometimes (I didn't go out with my roommates in college much, one I wasn't into drinking at the time, and two I wasn't OLD enough to drink and it sucked being carded) I mostly didn't mind. In fact, during those two or so years that I attended school and spent all my spare time online, I made some great friends whom I eventually got to meet face to face (Namely Aureth, Roho and Jen, amongst others. About a month ago I found myself on the IRC networks again, most notably hanging out in #watertower where I met Kette, Captain, Masem and other folks. I've mentioned before I've gotten a chance to go hang out with Masem and Cap a time or two, so I consider them friends, and I honestly consider most of the other folks on the channel friends as well, even though I've not had a chance to meet them.
But back to my point -- are the friends I make online any less "real" than the friends I make in person (e.g. those at work)? I care about my friends online. I feel bad when bad things happen to them, I joke with them, they provide me interesting conversation and challenge my beliefs, at times forcing me to expand my horizons. They give me a hand now and then when I have problems they have experience solving. They ask after me. They're exactly like friends I make out in the "real world," except I don't regularly (or ever) see them face to face. So why do people look down on these folks? They don't entirely replace social contact in person, but they can certainly augment it. In certain cases they've lead to close friendships in the "real world" as I've mentioned above. I don't differentiate, so long as you meet the requirements to be a friend, you're a friend to me, regardless if you live a block away from me or half a world away.
I for one value them a great deal, and wouldn't give them up for the world.
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internet vs. real life friendships
Date: 2001-07-23 01:38 pm (UTC)First off all, I have found that most people are very different in real life as opposed to the persona that they project online. This has lead to some disappointments. I can get along great with somebody online, but in real life, we don't mesh at all- they're not the same person! Now I just kind of expect people to be different in real life, which means I keep myself from getting too close, friendship-wise, to someone online. It's less disapointing when you do meet them.
Secondly, being a woman online in a mostly male-dominated area, I have a feeling that my experience with online friendships are different from a guy's. For instance, when I first joined #watertower and I was single, I got lots of 'friendly' attention from many of the guys there, which developed into what I thought was a close relationship. Then, once I started dating somebody online, all of a sudden, I was deserted. That hurt a lot- apparently, I was only worthy of being friends with if eventually, there was a chance that a relationship could follow. I can only think of two single straight women on #watertower, and both of them are still persued aggressively by obsessive fanboy types online. I've become somewhat...cynical of attention I recieve from men online.
As for friendships with women, unfortunately this 'worship whatever women comes in the door' tendancy on part of the boys leads to a degree of competition and bitchiness between the few women there. Interestingly enough, I find I usually become better friends with the girls online when I'm safely 'taken' with a boyfriend.
Now, I don't want to give the impression that I don't value my online friendships, I do. I just don't think they're the same or 'equal' to real life friendships. For some people who might not feel comforable in social situations, I think the internet and internet friendships provide a valuable interaction with human beings, but for most people I don't think it's a good *subsitute*. I find, ironically, that online friendships are more superfical and much easier to dissolve than real-life friendships. Again, I think this has to do with people not neccessarily 'being themselves' or representing themself accurately online. Of course, I have developed friendships online that turned into long-distance 'real life' friendships, meaning that I hang out with these people when they're in my part of the country or vice-versa, talk on the phone sometimes, etc. And clearly, I met my boyfriend online, although we didn't become an 'item' until we met in real life.
In short, my view is that internet friendships are great, but most people really should strive and make an effort to get real-life interaction, I don't think the internet is a good substitute for that.
Re: internet vs. real life friendships
Date: 2001-07-23 04:58 pm (UTC)All in all, it's important to remember that people can misrepresent themselves RL just as easily as VR.
Re: internet vs. real life friendships
Date: 2001-07-23 06:06 pm (UTC)I also agree with the statement Kette made about being female online. I and my other girlfriends have experienced the 'worship every woman who comes in the door' syndrome of the online fanboy. I always make a firm point of stating right away that I have a mate, thank-you-very-much.
So, are online friends less valuable than real life friends? No. A friend is a friend, no matter how you look at it. They're just a different kind of friend is all.
Re: internet vs. real life friendships
Date: 2001-07-23 10:04 pm (UTC)Online, you can be friends with someone for years, thinking that they're a certain way, and then you meet them online, and they're completely different. So it's a weird situation- this person has been a close online friend for years, but you find that in reality, you barely know them. This can really plauge long-distance online relationships too, one of the reasons I'm totally against committing to somebody as their girlfirned without having spent significant time with them in real life. It's too easy to idealize them as being perfect when you only interact with them in a text-format. This is from experience, my first serious relationship was an online one, and I only saw the guy once every 6 months or so. We were together for two years. I eventually began to realize i liked the idea of him, and it was easy to pretend he was a certian person when I was only interacting with him online, but in real life, I couldn't stand him. I swore off internet relationships for years, then ended up getting involved with Dave, but in the year that we were long-distance, we saw each other about every 3 weeks. HUGE difference. I can't imagine people making serious committments without spending a good deal of 'real time' with a person, it just boggles my mind.
Anyway, I don't think people misrespresnet themselves online on purpose, at least not most people. It's just that communicating only via text leaves a lot of your 'personality' up for interpetation by others as well.