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In lieu of an actual update about anything that's going on in my life, I will herein offer some free advice. My advice to anybody who is considering becoming an afficianado of home theater is this: Don't. Just don't do it. Run. Run now. Run screaming.

Trust me, you'll be much happier if you do yourself a favor and pick up a cheaper, less addictive habit. Something like crack cocaine, maybe.

The beautiful people

I went over to Circuit City today and talked to the sales rep in the TV department for a bit. I explained my current annoyance at Comcast and asked three simple questions about DirecTV. First, how much will this cost me per month when all the features I want are turned on (meaning the package has the channels I want, HD service is enabled and the HD DVR subscription is turned on)? Second, do they supply my local NBC/ABC/FOX/PBS/etc affiliates in HD over the dish, or do I have to go to an off-air antenna? Third, what does DirecTV get me that Comcast doesn't (in other words: mister salesman, earn your keep and "sell" me on this product)? The answers surprised and pleased me:

• With all the features I want, the cost per month of DirecTV is considerably less than my current Comcast bill. This was surprising given the calculations I was working under yesterday, but serves to illustrate my point about DirecTV failing the test of putting their pricing up front. With DirecTV, DVR service is about $5.99 per month. I already knew their HD service is $10.99 per month. The basic service package is $41.99. Apparently, tax is already handled by the service costs. Total monthly invoice: $58.97. That's about $16 per month less than Comcast is charging me (although it wouldn't include any "premium" channels). I can add a premium channel with DirecTV for something like $12.99 per month, which would still put DirecTV under Comcast for price by a margin of about $4.
• Despite what I'd read on the various sites, I can indeed get my local network affiliates in HD via the dish, which eliminates the need for an off-air antenna. At this point it is evident that for my requirements, DirecTV is equal to Comcast and comes in at a lower pricepoint -- something that is always attractive to potential customers.
• DirecTV offers a number of benefits over cable. A big benefit: DirecTV programming is inherently digital across the board. Comcast has a number of "analog" channels still, almost one hundred of them. Simply put, analog stations look like crap on the big screen because you can see the overcompression that Comcast is using. While DirecTV also does compression, all their material is digital so it is handled better. A second advantage over Comcast is that because DirecTV is all digital, almost all the stations support 5.1 surround sound. Hooray, my theater system will no longer go to waste when I'm watching regular television! For the money I spent on the Onkyo and the speakers, everything I watch should be in 5.1 DTS. Third, the DirectTV DVR is based on Tivo and Tivo doesn't suck. While I want to root for Motorola, the simple fact of the matter is that the Comcast DVR solution is still immature, has a lousy GUI, lacks sufficient storage and is prone to a lot of glitches. The DirecTV HD Tivo has a 250 GB HD, so it can store 30 hours of HD content and over 200 hours of standard definition content. This is a vast improvement over my current situation because the Comcast DVR can only hold 30 hours of standard definition content and something like 4 hours of HD.

Faced with a better product for less money per month I bowed to economic pressure and played the part of consumer whore. I plopped out the $599 at Circuit City and came home with the DirecTV HD tuner/Tivo device ($499 after the mail-in rebate). I got a bit of a runaround on the phone but finally reached the right department to schedule the installation of the remaining tuner and the dish. So, in one week hence, I will be up and running on DirecTV and can cut Comcast loose. I'll have to stay home for it because there's a 4 hour window when the installer will arrive. Of course, nobody will tell me when that four-hour window might be, so I consider the entire day a loss. In that respect DirecTV (or maybe the installer is from Circuit City, I dunno exactly in this case... things get all confused when you buy DirecTV service from Circuit City) is no different than Comcast or the phone company. But hey, small price to pay, right?

So, in summation: For me, Comcast blows more than DirecTV and thus is being dropped.

This is my show

My local Comcast branch office recently shuffled the Sci-Fi channel from channel 44 to channel 160. This is both bad and good. The good news is that it was all-digital from that point on, which allowed them to include happy digital surround sound. The bad news is that you have to have their minimal digital cable package ("Digital Classic," I believe they call it) in order to receive it. Fortunately, this wasn't supposed to be an issue for me because I already had the "Digital Starter" package along with Starz. I pay somewhere around $62.99 per month for that, along with another $9.99 per month for the dual-channel HDTV tuner/DVR box. Grand total is around $75 a month after taxes.

Today I discovered I can't get the Sci-Fi channel. What the... that's not supposed to be! Every time I open the channel on the box I get "Not Authorized." So I call up Comcast and after 20 minutes of listening to hold music as they fought with their system (hell of a time for an upgrade) I got an answer: the "Digital Starter" package has been discontinued and it doesn't qualify as the basic package (that makes it... sub-basic?) in the digital lineup. So I asked what could be done about it. "Oh, we could move you to the Digital Classic package... then you'll get the SciFi channel. Of course, you'll be paying more.... and you won't get the Starz channel anymore... was this a promotion?" Yes, it was a promotion, I ordered it back in January of 2004. "Well, I'm sorry, but we can't honor that. You'll have to upgrade if you want the SciFi channel." Well, by my reckoning, that's not an upgrade... that's a downgrade because I'll be paying more and losing my premium channel in order to get something that, as near as I can tell, I'm supposed to have already by the simple virtue of having a digital package. I politely declined this "offer."

While I was on the phone I also asked about this five-dollar-a-month charge they have for their "High Def" package. The rep begins to list all the channels that are included with it... several of which I can access just fine already. Why would I need to add $5 more to my monthly fees just to get something I'm already receiving (apparently my ability to tune the Discovery HD channel was a technical fluke this weekend, what a pisser of a deal that is). Again I declined and I thought to myself, Comcast can blow me. After thanking the rep for their help, I hung up and pulled up DirecTV's site to start comparing prices.

DirecTV is just as expensive and actually charges more to turn on HD content. Additionally, it appears that I will have to get an HDTV antenna if I want to receive the HD broadcasts of the local network affiliates (NBC/ABC/CBS/FOX/PBS). I'd be trading up to a Tivo for a DVR, which would be good... but then I'd have to mount not one but two antennas outside, which is not an attractive option in the least. As near as I can figure from their web page, it's $10.99 per month for HD content and I have to get the package that starts at $41.99, so there alone I'm at $53 before tax. I'll have to pay even more money than that (or at least I think it will be more money because they won't let me see how much it costs a month) to have the HD Tivo service. Ugh! If they won't put your pricing up front where I can find it after 30 minutes of prodding at your site then you fail at marketing. So let's run the math here: $53 + unknown cost for the DVR + unknown taxes = ??? Yeah, sign me up for that deal! Thus, DirecTV can also blow me.

Guh. When did television become such a wonderful world of suck?

Construction on what I have lovingly dubbed the "Great Wall" continues apace behind my property line. As autumn looms over our valiant construction crew for the new NTB, the foreman has apparently realized that their delayed start is threatening the completion date of the project. Because of that they're now working 12 straight hours a day. That's right, they start at about 7 AM and finish at around 7 PM now. I get to wake up to the sound of grinders, skidloaders and hammers and then I get to come home to it as well. Congratulations, NTB, you've annoyed the living hell out of me after stepping all over my toes to get into that lot to begin with. NTB can achieve a trifecta with Comcast and DirecTV when they blow me as well.

action bills

Those of you who have known me for a while are aware that I am prone to "bad" dreams or flat-out nightmares. Over the last two years it has become a regular occurance for me to startle awake at some ridiculously early hour in the morning, often by flailing or jerking upright. This usually leads to me slamming my skull into the bookshelf that is built into my headboard, which has already left one scar and will probably lead to more if I don't put in a more "traditional" headboard soon.

Sometimes these rude awakenings happen two or even three times over the course of a night. For the majority of these terrors, I have no idea what causes them or serves as fuel for them. Am I too stressed out? Am I worried about someone or something? Do I have too much caffeine in my diet? Is Ra sleeping on my face? I really don't know It could be any one of those things, a combination thereof, or something totally different.

The set of nightmares I woke up from today at 3:48 were particularly vivid and (for personal reasons) unsettling, but at least I have an explanation for them: there is little doubt that watching the high-definition, widescreen 2003 remake of the 1974 horror cult classic, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre did not help things even one iota.

Over the line