Life continues on...

[feren]

Sometimes it's easy to become so engrossed in your own day to day problems, the quandries and frustrations of your life. In essence you can bury your head in the sand and just tune out certain truths in life. One of those truths is that people die -- it's the natural order of things.

I was just informed a few minutes ago that the purchasing manager at our office passed last night, at age 55. I wasn't a close friend of LM, but I'd worked with him frequently and could get along with him for the most part. He was one of the better people I have had to interact with, even if he did have quirks that could make him annoying to deal with now and then. I'm not sure why I'm so shocked by this news. One, the man was not exactly the posterboy for a healthy lifestyle -- he was quite overweight and a smoker, for one thing. I also know he'd had open-heart surgery a few years ago, indicating that there were probably some other things wrong with his body as well. And it's not as if I've never had anybody I knew or loved pass -- I've been to more funerals in my 23 years on this planet than I really care to mention. As I got older each one hit home a little more, especially when I started having to attend funerals for people who were taken by cancer; I suspect those impacted me the most because I still suffer a small amount of survivor's guilt. I'll never understand why I was able to live through my cancer and yet it seems to take other people I was close to.

I guess it's just the sudden reminder of how fragile we humans really are. Maybe I should just be happy that I'm not so jaded that the news didn't jolt me....

Comments

Fact #1 of life - death

[(Anonymous)]

Its hard to imagine that anyone can (die just like that), but I cannot imagine NOT having a reaction to this, when it is someone you know. Don't think of this as survivers guilt, but think of it this way: You are more human than some with feelings and emotions. Never be afraid to admit that or embrass it.

- Shanedoll (Thinking about LM too)

Ah, to be young again

[pogo101.livejournal.com]

I was surprised to learn you were in your early 20s. Something about the way you write your entries had made me suppose you were closer to my age (30s). Dunno just what. Anyway. This has been completely off the subject ... *L*

Re: Ah, to be young again

[chebutykin.livejournal.com]

He's beyond his years in many ways. *grin*

Re: Ah, to be young again

[roho.livejournal.com]

Yeah, especially around the hairline ;)

(Ugh, I'm gonna PAY for that one next gathering. Oh yes. :P Hey, at least I've got more gray hair than he does ;)

Re: Ah, to be young again

[chebutykin.livejournal.com]

(I knew I only had to do the setup!)

[chebutykin.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that happened.

I think we both need one of those hour-long cathartic phone calls this week. Say 9:30 PM, Thursday night?

You're a cancer survivor?

[ronbar.livejournal.com]

What kind of cancer did/do you have? Testicular? Leukemia?

[captain18.livejournal.com]

Dealing with the death of a coworker is kind of an odd event. In early January, our morningside audio operator, Jeff Bergholtz, was killed when his bike was hit by a car on his way home from his birthday party at a bar in Rockford.

Now, Jeff was biking it because he was picked up for DUI last year. And he insisted on riding his bike back and forth to this bar that he'd been going to for years and years. We all kind of secretly feared that this very thing would happen. Unfortunately, it did. Jeff was no angel, but he was a good egg.

What makes it more gruesome is the fact that we actually reported the accident on our 10pm news, without knowing that the victim was one of our own.

I remember being shellshocked the whole day after I got the news in the morning, and the building itself seemed cold and aloof for days afterward. One of the hardest things, I believe, is to walk into a room and do a job that your deceased coworker used to do every day. The loss was like a gaping wound. Even now, six months later, we note how much we miss his contribution.

And while the loss is very real, it is profoundly different. I wept for lost loved ones, and I will miss them and think of them at various times of the day or night. Jeff's death left me only with a profound sadness, and I miss him mostly when I am at work. I suppose that's what you would expect though, in the end.